I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
