Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
