M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
