When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
