It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
