Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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