I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
