If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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