Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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