No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
