I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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