umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize