what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
