he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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