She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize