yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
