Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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