Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You can't special order awesome
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
