I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just googled if crying burns calories
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
