We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
