It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
