Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
