I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
