life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize