I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
