Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize