i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
