I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
