I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
