the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
