I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
