meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
