Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We smell like vodka and hangover
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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