So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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