Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
