sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
