It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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