between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
