Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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