I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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