I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
