I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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