I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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