Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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