6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she told me i tasted like america
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
whose ass print is on the piano?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I love you.
Bad choice
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