she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
