It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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