They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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