New invention idea: vibrating tampons
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
