you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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