i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
