Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Shame is for Republicans.
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