she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize