he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
