the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
