why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
